So I turned 25 and thought I had it all figured out. Except I don’t. These past few weeks have been an absolute shocker. In my birthday post I wrote about how I have this feeling that I am self absorbed, and how I’ve been working on that stuff. Well recently I’ve felt like I don’t have the ability to be really supportive to my friends. When I say these past few weeks have been a shocker, I mean, they’ve been a shocking few weeks for my friends. And I have been an absolutely hopeless friend when they’ve needed me. I don’t know if I actually AM a bad friend, but I feel like one.
Basically one of my friends, one of my bridesmaids actually – broke up with one of our other friends – one of the man’s groomsmen. After five and a half years.
Which is y’know, terrible. But I’m so completely incompetent at showing compassion…I just don’t know what to say. Some people have a natural ability to comfort people but that certainly isn’t me. I feel like a bumbling idiot. People say ‘well just being there and listening is good’. Well it’s not really. Its actually really difficult. Nothing you can say or do is going to make it better.
When you need a friend to drink beers with I’m your jenu. When you need a shoulder to cry on, oh please god, isn’t there someone else.
It’s not that I don’t care, because I really really do. I’m just really really bad at knowing what to say! I just end up saying ‘I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say’ and the response every time has been ‘no one does’. Except some people do. Some people are compassionate people who can talk to people and give them hugs and it not be totally awkward. I’m sure I must be doing it wrong.
Anyway there I was in the shower after a long day at work, and a very successful run. Dinner was almost ready when the man burst in and said I had to call one of my bridesmaids because she’d just got some bad news about her health and then broken up with her boyfriend, one of the man’s groomsmen. Call her – call her? Like on the phone? When she’ll be upset?
Terrifying. I am bad enough at being compassionate and caring but over my nemesis – the phone? The first time I called she was too distraught to talk and didn’t answer, so I was able to talk get in a phone call to one of our mutual friends. This mutual friend, also one of my bridesmaids is a gun at this stuff. She wrote the book on it. She knows the questions to ask, the right things to say – and she’s good on the phone. She didn’t actually write a book on it. But she should, then she should give me a copy of it.
I ended up sending her a nice text asking her to prank me when she felt up to it and I’d call her back. So I called her back and even though she couldn’t talk too much we managed to have some semblance of a conversation. I wish I was better at this stuff. I felt like a terrible friend.
Now I wonder if maybe the key is practice? Before I came back to Melbourne I caught up with her twice, and while I’m still crap at comforting people, at least I was there. After this past year I think that sometimes…life is completely shit. That is so depressing.
I’ve had this post saved in drafts for a week. I’ve been sad and sick and miserable with the flu – then bronchitis. Yummy.
So, to put this into perspective today I woke up and am feeling a million times better. Jase arrives in a few hours, I’ve been and had a nice breakfast and read the paper. I am also enjoying breathing in and out through my nose. That’s made a huge difference.
Life is still sometimes is completely shit, but them sometimes its a bit of alright as well. Someone please nominate this post for ‘the most lacksadaisical post’ bloggie. It’s not a category but it should be, I will probably win.
Terrible terrible blogging jen. Is it better than not blogging at all?